Chains, Nunchuks, and Dead Kitties

I'm irrationally livid with Dr. K. As the days go by my anger towards her is growing into a bigger and bigger massive ball of chains, nunchuks, and dead kitties. I can honestly say that I hate her right now. But it's complicated because underneath the hate, I need her - badly. But I'm not willing to recognize "the need" right now, I'm perfectly content with being ultra pissy. I haven't had very much to do at work lately, so I fume more and more as the day(s) go on about Dr. K. I have lots of time to ruminate. She was/is gone for soooooooooooooooooooo long (16 days!). I'm finally going to see her on Thursday after work and I feel like our relationship of trust has been broken. She is going to have to grovel to get it back - but therapists don't grovel - that's the problem with therapists, you need them much more than they need you so they hold the power in the relationship. Dr. K has told me numerous times that she cares about me and that I'm important in her life - I just can't internalize it. I know you all are probably going to think I'm psycho for being so upset with my therapist over a little vacation - but it feels so much more to me than that. Okay, I'm starting to cry at work - very not cool - so I'm going to end this post.