Saturday, January 3, 2009
Is Colorado making me fat or am I doing it to myself?
Ever since I've been in Colorado my hunger has been insatiable. I'm hungry all the time! I eat a meal - and they are good sized meals - and I'm hungry 10 minutes later. Ugh. It's horrible. I just want to eat, eat, eat. My mom said that she thinks it's the altitude (elevation is 8,852 feet above sea level) and I really hope so because if this continues when I get home I'm going to freak out. Another thing that started happening since I've been in CO is that my stomach is more pregnant than usual. It's huge! I'm going to birth twins. Gross, gross, gross. Last night, everything came crashing down. I couldn't fall asleep because I was T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D that I was gaining weight. I've been eating so much and my stomach is so big... The fear of being fat consumed me last night. I was lying there in bed, my mind spinning, and I knew I was never going to fall asleep at the rate I was going. Dr. K and I discussed listening to some guided imagery that I have when I'm having trouble falling asleep so I knew that that's what I needed to do. But my IPod was all the way upstairs and I didn't feel like getting up to get it. So I just lied there in bed, miserable, terrified, and FAT, knowing that I should go upstairs, and didn't do anything. I just lied there, my mind going crazy. This is so typical of me. I know I need to use positive coping skills and sometimes I even think about it at the time of need, but then I do nothing about it. What is my problem???? I guess I eventually fell asleep on my own recognisance, but I could have eased much suffering if I had just gotten my lazy, fat butt upstairs to get my IPod. Lame.
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6 comments:
Maybe you wanted to feel bad, as a way to punish yourself? That's my idea. I do stuff like that sometimes and that's the reason I can think of that I must do it.
By the way, it sounds like we had similar nights last night. I started crying and having a little mini anxiety attack over my fatness, weight gain, my stomach primarily... it was awful.
I think it probably has to do with the altitude. Make sure you're drinking lots of water. You're probably dehydrated!
hey k, regarding the hunger: once every 2 or so weeks, for a period of a couple days, i'm always STARVING, and i can't figure out why. but then once the time passes, it's back to the regular old appetite. i'm sure it isn't permanent though...sometimes our bodies just do weird things. hang in there, okay?
Hi sweetie, I am so sorry! I always do this on vacation - I honestly become SO hungry and find myself eating, eating, eating which leads to body hate, etc. I have seriously become to just expect this cycle every time I go on vacation. So I know what you talking about. So just stick it out - once you get home and you are back to your old routine, things will return to normal. Your body, your appetite will return to normal. Don't beat yourself up honey - just try to enjoy this little break.
Love you!!! xoxo
The inability to control the feeling of extreme hunger and/or make it go away is (I think) one of the most unbearable mind-body tortures. I have felt a bit out of control all of December and even now, I'm still trying to get back into my rigid calorie watch mode. People tend to gain weight during vacations, during pregnancies, during college, but people can also lose and maintain once they go back to life as it was. I'm sure it will be the same with you, sweetie.
PS- if you still want to hear about the Ephedrine story, I made a new email for my profile- just email me and I'll email you back. scenario.matters@live.ca
Beautiful girl, I really wish that there was a way to snap out of those corners we back ourselves into. It's like you want to SHUT your Brain OFF and just relinquish existence to make things slow down. I don't want to be a solution factory, but do you ever think about the Savior in the midst of this mind-numbing fear? The Holy Ghost really can comfort you. smile just a little. You are wonderful!
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