I'm just so disgusted with myself. I actually started crying during the session. It's been such an awful week. I really needed some help, but I feel like this has just set me back further. I don't even know why I see a dietitian, maybe this was a bad idea. Not just because of today, but I feel like I already know what I'm "supposed" to do and I don't want to do what she says, so what's the point?
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Dietitian Nightmare
Thanks for all your support. I'm still really having a hard time. I was doing a little better this morning - I went to pilates, ran some errands, caught up on blogs... I was looking forward to my sesh with the dietitian at 1:30pm. I needed some help from her - didn't happen, my friends. It made everything exponentially worse. I've been having trouble B/Ping lately so I wanted some help, some consoling, anything - instead she started glamorizing anorexia! I couldn't believe it. I don't remember everything she said, but she did say that people with anorexia are the sickest of all the eating disorders. It was the way she said it. Ugh. I did not need this today. I'm really self-conscious and ashamed about the B/Ping so I'm probably more easily triggered, but I felt like I wasn't "sick enough" to be there. You want sicker?? I'll show you sicker! Bring it on, bitch!
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11 comments:
Sweetheart,
Sorry it took me so long to catch up on your blog. I just read your last few posts and what a distressing time you're having. :( I go through these times too, with my weight fluctuation. Gaining weight seems to hurt my soul so bad sometimes that when supports fail me it's just adding insult to injury.
Just remember that there are always peaks and valleys. You have lots of support from people who care for you immensely in the blogging world. Keep writing, we are listening. ((((hugs))))
That was a completely inappropriate comment. A good many people with eating disorders have competitive tendencies, and for your dietitian to say that makes me wonder how much she paid attention in class. Eating disorders - ANY KIND - are all too often fatal.
I hate that the vulnerability inherent in any doctor's appointment makes it so much more difficult to call BS when you hear it.
OOOOOOOOO! This makes me so freaking pissed! Before I deleted my blog the first time, I wrote a very frustrating post about ana vs. mia in the ED community. I absolutely HATE when people, most often professionals, say that anorexia is worse than bulimia. It freaking pisses me off beyond belief! I used to have a huge problem with how CFC used to have a three month program for Anorexia and 2 month for Bulimia. I know that it has since changed so that is good. I remember the staff there telling me that the reason was because the Anorexia patients needed more time to gain weight, however there were several people I was inpatient with that were "anorexic" and not on weight gain and several bulimics and EDNOS, including myself, that were. I didn't get it. There are MANY cases of people dying from bulimia. I think it just sometimes goes more unnoticed if the person in not emaciated, but it is still equally as dangerous. I think we ALL have very similar thought process and isn't that what it's all about curing anyway. I mean until the mind is taken care of the body will keep suffering. I suggest looking for a new Dietitian or confronting her on what she said.
How could a trained professional trivialize such a life-threatening illness? Eating disorders kill, period.
I wrote back to you about your comment on my blog :)
Sorry to hear that you're not doing very well right now. That was stupid of the dietitian to say.
Hang in there, ok? I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts and hugs!
-kristin
Just remember, the sickest one doesn't win. She loses. Everything.
That was a big mistake for your dietitian to say that. But please don't allow your disease to take that mistake and run with it.
xo
My current D wouldn't see me when I was dx w/ BN. She actually said via the phone, that if I was going to throw everything up, what's the use of her working on a mp for me?
Basically, what I heard is, "You are a waste of my time".
Of course, when I was dx with AN, she was MORE than happy to see me; and when I starting purging again after gaining weight? She told me it was normal and that she expected it!
HUH????
I'm so sorry you were told that; BN is just as deadly. It pisses me off when I hear comments like that.
You are beautiful, dear. Keep fighting. It is worth it.
That PISSES ME OFF too!!! I have wavered between AN and BN. And honestly, I was more miserable during the periods when I was B/Ping. It takes up time. It messes with your electrolytes. Bulimia can MAKE YOUR HEART STOP. Sorry she said that hon. Know that it was an ignorant, pretentious comment.
Kara, so sorry you are hurting. That statement was not said well at all. I do think that maybe you should tell your dietitian how you felt after she said that.
I've had similar moments to what happened to you by therapists, and much of the time, there was a point to what they were making, but it was not said well. And I heard something completely different than what was intended.
I'm not trying to defend your dietitian, but communication is important.
Though you are not feeling it right now, there is a part of you that wants to get better.
Hang in there!
I seriously have no words. What she said is absolutely inappropriate. Is she a D that specializes in ED's? Dude, you should fire her and find somebody else.
B/Ping is DANGEROUS. She shouldn't treat it otherwise. What a skanky bitch. :(
Thinking of you...
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