This is a prime example about how I think that everyone else thinks like my eating disordered mind does. Often times when people walk past me I'm checking out their body size and comparing it to my own. I obsess about every little fat cell on my body and often on other people's as well. The moral of the story: just because I do it doesn't mean that everyone else does it too. I'm always paranoid that when I'm out in public people are thinking that I'm so fat I shouldn't even be outside. But I need to remember that most other people don't have eating disordered brains and are probably thinking about other things - like how they are going to do on their presentation at work, how much they need to pay the babysitter, why the economy sucks so bad, etc.
Problem: I just can't seem to internalize this. I understand that other people are probably not obsessing about people's body sizes like I am, but I just can't seem to legitimately convince myself of this. I can't get over my deep down fear that people really are looking at me and thinking that I'm a fat pig.
7 comments:
okay, so this may come across as harsh, but i promise i mean it to be helpful: everything is not about you. in fact, it rarely is about you in life. what i have learned is that people respond most to your attitude about yourself. if you walk around and are proud of yourself and feel good about yourself, that's how people will see you. i know that there's nothing i can say to snap you out of this line of thinking, but when you find yourself in a situation where you feel people are staring at you or judging you, just remember: it's not about you. this mantra really helps me when i'm feeling self conscious and gives me the boost i need to just be myself and be happy, because i know that people only remember how they feel around you, not how you looked.
I was always totally paranoid about that part of the visit with my therapist/psychiatrist. I always felt like I was being sized up as they decided whether I'd lost/gained. And I also have a hard time being paranoid about random other people- especially when I eat in public (this one's hard)- I think that people must be totally disgusted that I'm eating and thinking "no wonder she's so fat". But like you said, they don't care! They have muuuuch better things to think/worry about than me. One thing I've found helpful is first- to challenge my fears. When I'm out for a couple hours I will eat in public and I try not to let myself go sit in the corner in the food court or in my car. And second- smile and say hi to people, it can be interesting to watch the response. And it kind of brings me back to reality- we are all people with our own insecurities, and everyone likes to be smiled at. :) Sorry so long!
I second Anonymous's comment on two counts. For one, most people are so wrapped up in imagining what everyone is thinking about *them* that they don't have the mental space to be thinking very much about anyone else. And second, self-confidence--even if a bit of a ruse--is the best way to get people to have confidence in you. I think this tends to apply to physical appearances, intelligence, abilities, freaking everything. (Arrogance may be another matter, of course.) It goes a long, long, irrationally long way.
I think like you do, too. It is hard to remind myself that people probably aren't. I just try to look/act as confident in myself and my body as I can. It doesn't always work to get rid of the problem, but it is a good temporary distraction for me. Sometimes I am even surprised by the positive results.
Hang in there!
with love, kristin
PS: I am also glad to hear that the rellies are gone! I am always glad when people visit and then leave so that I can have my old routine and stuff back!
Total projection!!! Charro and I have been talking about this for the past two weeks because I feel the same way. I totally get it. I feel like she's looking at me and thinking that I'm too fat to be there. I also think that I shouldn't be eating in front of people (ones I don't know) because they'll be looking at me thinking that I don't need to eat. I TOTALLY get what you're saying. I know that these people are NOT thinking that stuff about you, but for some reason I can't tell myself that. It makes us seem pretty conceited to think that people are thinking about US all the time, right? Just like we're not thinking about them and how they look, they're not thinking about us.
OMG I do the same thing. I imagine my p looking me up and down from behind to gauge how truly 'non-ed' I am based on my gait and weight.
Pathetic.
p.s. word ver. was 'bedrang'
Yeah. What they all said. :)
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