Sunday, March 1, 2009

Could be Triggering, but please read...

I can't believe I'm admitting this, but I'm bingeing non stop.  I mean it - non-stop.  Every night.  Sometimes I'm P-ing, but usually not.  The urges are so bad that tonight I ate my mom's cookies that were for a church event.  Why, why, why?????   

I'm so ashamed. So so so ashamed.  :( 

Aah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Freak out.  Freak out.  Freak out.  

I'm getting fat.  Fat fat fat fat fat fat.  And getting fatter.  I'm paranoid.   

My life is so effed up.   

I need serious H-E-L-P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






7 comments:

Telstaar said...

Oh Kara ****huggles**** I'm so sorry that things are so hard and you're feeling so ashamed. In my eyes you do not need to feel ashamed! You have a wretched illness that screws with your mind and the chemicals in your brain too. I know you've had troubles with meds of late and I'm sure that isn't helping either. But it's not all you! I do hope it settles down soon.

Thinking of you with much compassion. xox

Anonymous said...

OK, I don't mean to just dwell on the same thing, but did this start with the Seroquel, or was it happening before? Is it happening AFTER you take the medicine, or before? Is it before you go to bed, or are you waking up?

Questions, questions!

kristin said...

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling so much with this right now. Hang in there, Kara!

-kristin

lisalisa said...

i agree with everything telstaar said- i know it's easy to beat yourself up but remember that it's an illness and the important thing is that you are reaching out for help and support! I wish i could offer more of bolth, or knew what to say that would help you get through this. Maybe see your T twice a week, if you dont already?

Just Eat It! said...

Don't beat yourself up. I wish I could help more, but if you need support, I'm here. <3

Lisa and Jim said...

Sending a hug and good thoughts from Ohio. You'll get through this.

JC said...

Kara- That totally sucks what you're going through. I think we're on the same wavelength but I've been trying to cope with ways that worked in the past and ways I've thought of now. I'm going to list practical tips on my girl blog on what to do in that situation- for me, for you, for any girl who can't seem to call it quits!