Saturday, February 14, 2009

I Don't Even Know Anymore

I really need to blog right now but I keep starting and stopping posts and erasing them.  I know I need to write and get some things out, but I can't seem to find the right words.  I can't figure out what I want to say... 

So I had a really BAD day yesterday.  Bad.  Bad.  Bad.  Bad.  Bad.  Bad.  Really bad.  Therapy opened the flood gates and now I don't know how to shut them.  Today isn't so great either, but I'm functional, well, maybe just semi-functional - it's 6pm and I haven't showered and I've been watching trash TV all day.  But I am planning on going out tonight with my brother to see a movie.  I'd rather just stay home though.  Ugh.  I don't know how to make myself feel better.  I'm hurting so badly.  I need help, but I don't know how to get it.  I'm stuck.  I feel like I'm being enveloped by an oppressive, stabbing darkness.  

I'm sorry.  I wish I had something interesting to write about, but there is just so much pain.  It's times like these that I wish I did drugs so I could escape, if even just for a little bit. 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.       

10 comments:

Standing in the Rain said...

man i'm sorry. times like that suck. i would recommend going to the movie with your brother though, you know, just to get out and see the "real world". but, if you can't, have grace on yourself also and just do what YOU need for YOU.

warm wishes my friend. i hope tomorrow looks better. keep writing about it...maybe it will help???

Anonymous said...

Kara, I hope that your Sunday is better than your Saturday, which is way better than your Friday. I'm having a bad fucking day. I hope that I can go to sleep and just wake up in a different mood tomorrow. It happens. Sometimes we just need to go to sleep an reset ourselves.

Lisa and Jim said...

I hope the situation improves. And don't worry about not showering, sometimes it takes a couple of days for me to get around to that, too.

Asherbie said...

Maybe get a blessing. It seemed to help you before and it definitely has helped me before. And remember there IS a point to all of this... hang in there.

lisalisa said...

im reading this on sunday and really hope that today you are feeling even a little better. Sometimes all we can do is just keep breathing in and out. Like everyone else, i wish i could help. Keep us posted :)

PTC said...

When are you going to get your new meds?

Sarah Johnson said...

Hey Kara, I hope things are better today. Been thinking about you...
Just a thought, have you gotten a blessing lately? I'm not saying it takes the pain and problems away, but it could at least give you some comfort and peace and perhaps a little more understanding...just a thought. Hopefully we can hang out sometime this week. I'm excited for Saturday!! :)

Wrapped up in Life said...

Thinking of you, Kara.You are stronger than this.

Keep up the good fight.

Tiptoe said...

Hope you had a better day today. I know the pain feeling well. I try to remind myself it won't be forever.

brie said...

Oh K, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say other than I'm thinking of you and I know you can make it.

xo