I've been really depressed lately. Yesterday I didn't get up until 4pm . Granted, I wasn't sleeping that entire time, but I just never got out of bed. The only reason why I even got up at 4pm was that I had to get ready to go out to the movies with a friend. At least I had social plans, right? Brownie points for that. Maybe that makes up for staying in bed all day? Okay, maybe not. Sigh.
Today I was supposed to go to church. I made the first step of actually getting out of bed in time to go (unlike last time), but as I stood in the bathroom brushing my teeth, I realized it was just not going to happen. Not today. So I finished brushing my teeth and went back to bed. I have spent the rest of the day either in bed or on the computer or watching the Superbowl (yay Steelers!) and I'm about to watch a ANTM marathon on DVR.
I'm realizing that this depression is really starting to interfere with my life again - staying in bed all day, skipping church just to do nothing... Other clues: I haven't been to the gym in a month, I'm showering infrequently (gross, I know, sorry you had to hear that... grimace), I rarely get out of the house... I could go on, but this is depressing so I'm going to stop.
I thought my new job would get me out of the house more, but it looks like it's only going to be about 10 hours a week, 15 if I'm really lucky. So I'm back on the hunt for another job to add to this one. Sigh. I need to be getting out and doing things, but it's just so hard to motivate myself if it's not mandatory that I be there. My rape crisis training starts in 10 days, so that will get me out of the house (6 hours a week for 2 months, plus two all-day Saturday trainings).
Maybe I should talk to Dr. K about a medication change. I feel weird bringing it up though because she knows how depressed I am but she hasn't initiated any conversations about med changes (she is my therapist and my psychiatrist). Every time I've hinted at it, the conversation has steered onto another path. Does this mean she doesn't think I need a med change? I also don't want to push it because I think she is the professional so she knows best. I don't want to push a med change if I don't really need one. I don't know...
[Edit: I'm sorry this post is so depressing. Stuff like this isn't fun to read. I kind of want to delete it because I'm not sure I want you guys to know how absolutely crummy I feel...]
9 comments:
I think you should bring it up with her. Do it!
Happy Birthday. I have played apples to apples and it's funny! I was losing when I played so I didn't like that much! :)
Don't delete posts you think are depressing....it shows others you are real. When we are struggling we have peaks and valleys. It's ok. It means you are human.
If we were happy all the time, I think emotions may not exist; and how sad would it be to never feel compassion for another person?
happy birthday! I ADORE Apples to Apples and I think that's a great idea! As far as depression goes, I hope things look up soon. I think it's a good idea to bring up the meds with your T - being direct is always more successful than hinting. Maybe she's been oblivious to your hints?
Happy Birthday! It's ok to be struggling as long as you are working on things. I hope you can at least feel happier on your birthday. Whatever you end up doing have fun!
My birthday isn't until the 21st, but thanks for all the well wishes.
You should absolutely bring it up to Dr. K. She works for you, not the other way around! Tell her the way you've been feeling, and that it feels unbearable to continue on in the path you've been on.
I'm so sorry things are hard right now. I get the depression, I've been going through a bout of it myself but mostly try to ignore it. As much as I grumble about my job, it's good I have it and it makes me get out of bed every morning, because if it didn't, I'd probably be some terrible mom sleeping on the couch all day while my kid watches cartoons. :/
I hope you can find another job, and hopefully the rape crisis training should help. I was going to train for that (interviewed and got accepted) but ended up not having the time. I hope you like it!
Keep hanging in there, K...
xoxo
Happy Birthday! I absolutely LOVE Apples to Apples! It is one of the only non-video games that I will play!
Hang in there, k?
with love, kristin
I think consulting Dr. K. with your meds would be a good idea.
On another note... I LOVE Apples to Apples! We just played last night! :)
Never delete posts for being "too depressing." Honesty = good.
And definitely bring up the med situation. I can't even tell you the number of times that a medication change has been initiated/suggested by me and not my doctor. You have more control than you think, and yes, she does work for YOU.
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