All week, I've been thinking, Thursday is the day that I'm getting weighed at my D's, thursday is the day that I'm getting weighed at my D's... So I get to my D's today and I figure that that's what we are going to do first. Nope. She didn't even mention it. Today was also the day we were going to make a meal plan so we jumped right into that (and that's a whole other post). The whole time we were meal planning, all I could think about was getting weighed. Did she forget to weigh me? Will I have to bring it up? Should I bring it up? I couldn't decide what to do, so I just did nothing and nodded along at her meal planning.
Finally, at the end of the appointment, an hour later, J says, "Well, today's the day we were going to get a baseline weight on you." Then all this pent up anxiety gushed out of my mouth and I went on and on about how I wanted to get weighed but I was afraid that she would think that I'm a heifer (my treatment team hasn't known my weight in about a month and I've gained weight). All of a sudden all this panic came out about J knowing my weight. She assured me that she wouldn't think that I was a heifer and suggested that maybe doing a blind weigh would be better than what I wanted to do (which was a non-blind weigh). I almost agreed, almost - but before I could say ok, J said, "You know what, this sounds like there is too much pressure about this, let's not weigh you at all. We'll have to gauge things a different way, like how your clothes fit." When she said that, relief flooded over me.
But I knew, as soon as she said that -
I was going to continue weighing myself at home. :(
8 comments:
Oh hunni that sucks. I think it's really important that people follow through, they don't understand how hard the build up is! Even if they changed HOW they were gonna weigh you or how regularly or where or SOMETHING, just to have done it I think would've helped. I feel for you so much. Any way you can try again??
Thinking of you!
Interesting! I am surprised she went with that plan. It's a good way to gauge things, but I think from a medical stand point she would need something more precise.
Eeek. That must have been an ordeal - but it's interesting that your doc recognized how much stress you're under about your weight. I hope this plan of action works out for you.
I'm sorry that was so stressful for you. I know a lot of professionals say (especially if you have history of ED) that you should measure your weight gain/loss by the way your clothes fit rather than by a number. But like Lisa said, I'm surprised she didn't want something more precise.
How are you feeling about the meal plan she gave you? Do you think it is something you can reasonably follow?
Hmmm, I'm not really sure what the best thing to do is... my dietitian eventually quit weighing me because it just caused me waaaaaay too much stress. So, I don't get weighed. Occasionally I am asked if I've weighed myself lately and what it was.
But it doesn't really come up all that much. She actually doesn't want me to focus on numbers at all.
shoot- thats a bummer! Predictability and follow through are so important in how health care proffessionals treat eating disorders. Maybe try again? And this time, let her know you would like to be weighed first thing, so you dont have to worry about it the whole time (just an idea) :)
I definitely think you need to tell her that you plan on weighing yourself at home, I think she needs to know, so that you can talk about it and work something out...? Sorry hon. xoxo
i completely understand what you are coming from - i am dealing with pretty much this exact same situation right now. i think what it comes down to is that i just cannot give up that control to someone else - it is scary.
i have also always found shame in that number - i think it is too high and i think people are judging me for it (and of course that is all in my head) ... and it is very embarrassing to me when someone else knows my weight. ugh!
i am talking about it though with both my T and my RD - and that is the first step to healing. baby steps.
i think that best thing we can both do is to try and be as honest as possible with the professionals - and that means sharing that you are weighing at home. they are not going to take it away from you over night.
we can do this! one baby step at a time.
sorry for the ramble, but i just identify so much with you right now.
isn't it so crazy how much power a simple number can have over us ...
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