I'm always lonely.
I'm lonely all the time - whether I'm watching TV by myself on the couch or having lunch with a friend or surrounded by people. I feel different from other people - like I don't belong. Dr. K and I discussed this today and I discovered that a contributing factor to my loneliness is my obsession with my weight and body. Instead of being 100% engaged with another person, part of me is always thinking about my fatness factor, analyzing how skinny the other person is, wondering if they think I'm fat and disgusting for gaining weight, etc. A good percentage of my brain is stuck in ED and obsessing about my body all the time. I think this is part of the reason why I don't feel as connected to people, why I feel so different. I'm always at least partially in "my own little world," terrorizing myself with self-deprecating ED thoughts. Do you feel lonely even when you are with people? Like you are stuck in your own little world - even if you are standing right next to them, still feeling miles apart...
6 comments:
I am not sure if I've ever commented on here but I read your blog. I'm sorry you feel lonely. It's something I feel often as well and it's awful. I think ED does drive a wedge in relationships though and recognizing that is a good move forward. Working to be in the moment is hard but worth it.
me. too. always and perpetually different. most of the time i'm used to it, but every now and then it hurts a LOT. sorry you feel it too :(
I don't feel lonely, but definitely am not 100% there because I'm always in my head.
Hi,
I don't know if I've ever commented on your blog before, but I do follow it and I can completely relate.
Only with my closest friends do I feel "connected" and engaged. But most of the time, like when I'm talking to my parents or other friends, part of my mind is on the ED and as a result I feel extremely disconnected from people and subsequently, extremely lonely.
I don't have any advice on how to make this better (since I haven't figured out a way to stop it yet!), but know that you are not alone in this.
I definitely experience this too. We're so wrapped up in our own little bubbles where we are just worrying, anxious, feeling frustrated... it does make it really hard to connect to other people and be fully in the moment.
Loneliness is a hard emotion, and yes, it can be felt even in a room of people. I think it is easy to retreat into our own little worlds, because that is familiar and fears sets in. Can you challenge yourself to be zen-like, in the moment?
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