I told Dr. K today about my experience trying her "awesome" theory about eating well during the day to prevent bingeing. Her first question to me was, "How many days did you eat well and not restrict before you binged on Wednesday night?" My answer: one, just Wednesday. Dr. K said that one day won't cut it. Apparently it takes the body at least 2 weeks to start accepting the fact that it's getting fed regularly. Like your body won't trust you that it will feed it until you do it consistently so it will feel hungry all the time.
First, it sucks that it'll take at least two weeks to "reset" my body, but the fact that it takes at least two weeks gives me HOPE. On Wednesday, when I ate well during the day and yet still binged at night, I felt like it was hopeless, that I was never going to be able to stop bingeing - but now I know it just takes longer - there is still hope!! I've always thought it would be impossible to stop bingeing, but I'm really going to give this a try. So I'm going to go back to treating myself well... maybe being zen isn't so bad...
6 comments:
Kara, I have had that experience before and gone through a restrict/binge part of my life and I think it's the worst thing in the world. I feel your pain!
I haven't binged with any sort of regularity in a while now and THE ONLY THING THAT STOPPED ME was a complete committment to the meal plan during the day (eating all of it). This meant sometimes I binged anyway and thought it was pointless. Sometimes I felt so fat it wasn't even funny. But it's worth it and it WORKS. So keep going. I guess I want to share with you a few things that people have shared with me that helped:
1) The people who stop bingeing the fastest are the ones who are able to get right back up after a binge and eat the next meal (hungry or not, feeling guilty or not). Getting right back on track is what shows progress. It's how fast you can pull yourself back up and get back on track that matters.
2) When you have a "mini-binge" or eat something more than planned (anything that you feel like is too much or makes you feel guilty), avoid the guilt by saying, "At least that wasn't an all-out binge." Hunger drives bingeing - BUT SO DOES GUILT. So if you are walking around feelin guilty for having eaten all day, then you are likely to binge. You have to avoid the guilt by saying, "At least that wasn't an all out binge."
3) When you are tempted to eat weirdly in the day (either compensating for a binge or whatever...) try to predict the chain of events that will happen. If you eat weirdly and react to the binge the same way you've been reacting for years, what is likely to happen? (Your brain says MAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYBBBEEEEEE you'll get thin and you won't binge; but what has past experience shown you? You are 99% going to binge - if not today, then tomorrow... you know how it goes.) However, if you are WILING to do what's NOT EASY and push yourself to eat good, solid meals (something that strikes a balance between enough food but doesn't produce too much guilt) even if you binged the night before, then what might happen? (Well, you don't know for sure because you haven't ever given it a chance. But it's likely that you'll eventually stop bingeing, you get to your normal weight, you'll feel some inner peace)
4) Remember that eating in the day - eating your normal meals - even if you binged the night before - DOES NOT MAKE YOU GAIN WEIGHT. It doesn't. There are normal-weight people (thin people included in that category) all over this world who sometimes stuff themselves at night, wake up, no guilt, and eat breakfast. And their weight does not shoot up overnight. They just move on with their life and their weight stays the same. So don't let your mind fool you into not eating in the day by saying "I have to lose weight!" or something like that (I am not suggesting you need to lose weight. I just know that you write about the "pursuit of thinness" a lot).
Good luck to you today.
Do what you know is good for you.
Eat well.
Talk to yourself kindly.
Refuse to give into to any restriction voices or self-berating, body-hating voices.
Connect with people.
Have a great day!
The thing about recovery that makes it so hard is that it requires so much patience. It takes a while after breaking the binge/purge cycle to make the urge lessen. It's great that it gave you a renewed sense of hope, though.
Now.is.now - Thank you, thank you, thank you for your comment. I can't even tell you how much I needed to hear that. I appreciate the time and effort you spent explaining that to me. You have solidified my desire to break the cycle. Thank you! XOXOXO
Just Eat It - I always appreciate your comments as well. Very insightful. Thanks.
Just trying is a huge accomplishment and one you should be proud of. I am recovering as well and I think you definitely have to give yourself a pat on the back for getting through the day. I congratulate myself on every single time I say no to a binge or to a restriction. I do not follow a meal plan. I know that works for some people. Right now I don't want to. My goal is to treat myself well. Not just with food but with friends and relationships, with relaxation time, with following my dreams, etc. I find that bingeing is what I do for myself to cope and also to treat myself when I feel like I am always saying no to my true needs and wants.
Figuring out why I binge was huge for me. At least I can double check now. Even if I just stop to think about why I'm craving and still binge, it's a step right?
I read a couple books that I found really helpful in my recovery so I wanted to tell you them in case you might get something out of them. One was Intuitive Eating. I know it's talked about a lot, but more than just the actual way of eating, there is a ton of information in there about how you get to the point where you need to relearn how to eat as we are supposed to. I also have an Appetite Awareness Workbook (I think by Linday Craighead) that has great information as well as things to fill out to actively help you figure out what hunger is. I know I have taken a long time to relearn that sensation. Another book I read was called: It's not about food by Normandi and Roark. I found this book to really help me see my recovery differently and appreciate all the little steps. When you don't see big results it's rough and I found this book pointed out things I could notice in order to help get me through the transition - among other great insights. That book is probably the most important.
Maybe you've read them, maybe you have enough on your plate, I just thought I would share. I've been reading your posts and I think you are doing great. Just the fact that you are working at it is something you should be proud of. Keep it up.
hey- I just wanted to say great job reaching out to someone and going running when you had the urge to binge. Even if you ended up bingeing later, I still think it's awesome that you used those skills. It is so hard to stop and have a time out when you are in binge mode. way to go!
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