[Edit: I don't want to scare anyone, I'm not suicidal or anything. I'm just really fed up with my life. I know I should use this as a catalyst for change, motivation to recover, etc. But I'm at that point where I don't want to think about anything right now. The last several days have been so hard. It's like I've cracked. I saw my dietitian on Thursday and that's when things really started to go down hill. I just want her to tell me that I'm fine the way I am. But instead she helped me make a meal plan that's even more restrictive than the one she made me before. I want to lose weight and I know she is trying to work with me where I'm at, but part of me hates it that she is helping me lose weight. I just want her to put her foot down and tell me that I don't need to lose weight. I'm in a healthy weight range, but she knows that I want to lose weight so she is compromising and helping me do that. The first meal plan was made to lose 1/2 pound a week and now this new one she helped me make will help me lose 1 pound a week. I don't think she actually thinks I need to lose weight, but the fact that she is helping me do it because it's what I want and she wants me to do it in a healthy way.... I don't know - if I was really fine the way I am, she wouldn't even consider helping me lose weight. I don't know if this is making sense and I'm not in the mood to proofread it. I'm just really frustrated and confused and I want to talk to my T about it but she is out of town. She's been out of town for a week and a half - thankfully she comes back on Tuesday.
I just need a break from life. I just feel so alone and sad. I'm sorry this is such a Debbie Downer, I just needed to vent and get this off my chest.]
6 comments:
No no no don't think that way... you're Kara and I love you EXACTLY the way you are. Granted we all have things to work on (ED) but you are IRREPLACEABLE. Someone who inspires me to be better... in 6 months you made me see things so differently and made me want to be so much more... more like you. You're incredible.
That makes complete sense. I hear what you're saying, completely.
I know how you feel, Kara. Vent all you want. It feels good to get everything out and kind of release some of it, you know? I hope that this helped you release some of your frustration and anxiety.
Take care.
love, kristin
btw, i love you the way you are.
I'm so sorry. Nothing hurts worse than feeling worthless.
I know nothing I say can take the pain away, but if I could, I would.
Hang in there, sweetie.
hang in there! Hope that T of yours speeds her butt back home! It sounds like your D isn't giving you the message that you are ok just the way you are, and losing weight isn't going to fix anything. She should know better.
Remember what you told me once- just because your D gives you a mp, doesn't mean you have to follow it. I mean that in a totaly healthy way. If it feels too restrictive, don't do it.
Kara,
I love you. I know we're not as close as we were a few years ago but I want you to know I think of you often. Vent all you want but remember you are of worth and loved by a lot of people.
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