Thursday, July 9, 2009

I'm a Survivor!

I made it!! In 5 minutes it's going to be Friday! Dr. K warned me when I saw her on Tuesday that this was probably going to be a tough week and she was totally right. Very tough. I've been hanging on by a thread. Dr. K says I can call her 24/7 - she insists that she wants me to call, but I always have a hard time calling therapists. For one, I have a phobia of the phone, and two, I really don't want to bother my T on her down time. I know that she says she wants me to call - it's just weird, it's like I can't fathom that she cares enough about me that she would want me to call her. I did send her a frantic e-mail this week (e-mail isn't as scary as calling), but she wrote back that I should have called her. Sigh. I think I need to get over my fear of calling her. But then I get my courage up to all and I stop myself because what the hell am I going to say??? I can't articulate when I'm having a hard time, much less when I'm having a hard time and I'm on the phone.

I'm seeing Dr. K tomorrow at 11am. Hopefully we will be able to come up with some better coping strategies for me. I used to not want to be on a PRN anxiety med because I was afraid I was going to get addicted and abuse it, but now I have changed my mind -- I can't deal with this anxiety and pain on my own anymore. I need help -- preferably in pill form.

2 comments:

lisalisa said...

oh my it sounds like you have been going through some tough times! I'm glad you can see your doctor today and hopefully get some relief. I wish I could take PRN's but I cant because when i have them I take them constanty. But It sounds like you are already aware of the dangers (plus you gave me excellent advice on the topic last winter) so I'm sure you will be fine. I know what you mean about calling therapists- i hesitate to call, too. But when i do it helps sooo much.
Have you considered a support group or something like that? It might help you get thruogh the hard times between therapy appointments.
I'm sending calm, happy thoughts your way! (hug)

now.is.now said...

Great job at making it through the week. I always hesitate to call my therapist because she actually answers the phone sometimes! However, I call my nutritionists pretty much obsessively. I have an easier time calling her because she never answers - I leave a message and, if I sound desperate enough (or irrational enough), she calls back. I think you should make it a goal to call your T though. She sounds like she really does want you to call. You don't have to plan what to say in advance - it'll all just happen once she answers.

I hope you have a great appt!