Think about it: Are you scared to be thin???
[Edit: The icing on the cake is that Dr. K told me that if I liked myself I would probably lose weight naturally. Go figure, eh?]
Friday, July 24, 2009
Am I Scared to be Thin?
This is what Dr. K proposed to me today. Can you believe it??? She thinks I'm scared to be thin! Now that's something I've never heard from a ED therapist. Despite all my constant hard work to lose weight, Dr. K somehow thinks that being thin is a scary concept for me (doesn't she know that's all that I dream about???) She thinks it's because when I say I want to be thin, I'm really saying (you know, on that deeper level) that I want to like myself. But I'm scared sh-tless to like myself. Why? I'm not exactly sure... maybe because that means that I'll have to be successful and actually live my life or that if I like myself I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck at this body weight for my whole life... I don't know. You know what also scares me sh-tless? The big D word - Dating. I hate talking about it but Dr. K managed to squeeze some thoughts out of me today. I told her that I always tell myself that I'll date when I'm thin. Me telling her this just confirms her theory of me being scared to be thin (because then according to my logic, I'd have to start dating). I'm definitely going to have to ponder this "scared to be thin" concept. Maybe it's true on a deeper level (deeper than I'm consciously able to get to) because all my mind says 24/7 is must get thinner! Thinner! Thinner! Thinner! That's my mantra.
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9 comments:
I hear you. I to am "scared to be..." it's a lot easier to be the rejector than the rejectee. i like have something to blame it on that i might have some sort of control over.
I realised that about myself last year when i started to lose enough weight that it became a possibility that I would be thin. Something snapped and my compulsive eating came back with a vengeance. Being scared to be thin is a fear. One I have not yet worked through but hope to some day. I hope you do too.
xSmudge
I'm not scared to be thin per se, but rathr i'm scared to stop focusing on the pursuit of thinness. Because then I would have to actual face my life, and the things that MATTER. Anyways, I didn't realise this until I read your post. So, thanks for the thought provoking post. I think your T is excellent! Luckee!
I don't know if I'm scared to be thin or scared to stop caring about thinness.... but I do know that when I eat, I feel sometimes feel guilty and like I wish I was hungry. Then, when I'm hungry, I get scared of what will happen if I just let myself stay hungry all the time. So I end up eing scared to eat (b/c I don't want to get fat and feel guilty) and sacred to not eat (because I don't want to get too thin and be hungry). It's a no win situation I think. Thanks for the thought provoking post!
p.s.: I'm scared of dating too!
I can safely say... I am not scared to be thin. And being thin to me has nothing to do with attracting the mens.
But I'm scared of dating, too. I would be at any size.
JB - I think I am scared of dating at any size too, I just "think" I will date when I'm thin - but I"ll never be thin enough to date.
wow. definitely food for that, no pun intended, haha.
kara, i think you are great as you are, or will be, or whatever.
keep going!
I can definitely relate to this post. I am definitely scared to be thin, and it has a lot to do with being vulnerable in a relationship. Sounds like you have a great T
I thought I was afraid Dating because I'm not thin, but I started and it's ok)))) anyway I'm not thin yet (!) but I have boyfriend.. It's just in our mind,that's all... I hope I will be thin soon, I lost several pounds and it's just a small part of my weightloss plan. Having bf even helps me. It depends of how you feel, but even if you feel you're not ready, just start, don't say NO to the chance life gives to you.. let him say does he like you or not, its his decision, not yours...
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