Dr. K has been really into talking about my childhood lately and how it impacts me now. First of all, I hate talking about my childhood. I think it's pointless. I feel like I'm the way I am now because that's how I am, not because my childhood has "made" me this way. Specifically, we have been talking about how I supposedly learned to feel worthless growing up as a defense mechanism. Sure, my childhood was rocky and my mom wasn't there for me, and blah blah blah - but does that really contribute to who I am today or is it all just psycho-babble? I'm on the fence about it. I mean, I can intellectually see how Childhood A can lead to Adult-Life B, but I guess I feel like it doesn't really apply to me for some reason. I am passionate about owning my own thoughts and feelings. I'm the way I am because that's the way I am, NOT because of my family. It's all about me. Me. Me. Me. Me! However, thinking this way is probably the product of my childhood because growing up it was never about me, it was always about my brother- sigh, I just can't win. I don't want to admit that the way I was raised affected me, but I guess it has...?
7 comments:
Childhood most *definitely* affects you as an adult. That is when you were really formed as an individual. It's amazing how much our personalities are formed at such a young age, and how it affects us even now.
Trust me. It's a good thing to dig through in therapy. Totally worth it.
I hate when they do that. Sometimes I feel like Charro is trying to brainwash (intense word) to believe certain things about my life or family. That's what I hate about all this psychology shit. Do you think they're all just trying to mess with our heads? How do they 'know' why things are the way they are.
I hate digging into the past too. Sorry I just went off on a tangent.
when i was a kid it was never about me, either. It was always about my mom's newest boyfriend. So yeah, I can relate.
I think that its hard to accept that those things might have an affect on us. For me, I almost feel like going, "Sure, it impacts me, so what? What do I do NOW? I can't change it..." but I think at the end of the day, things impact us and we work out how and what and why and then we figure out what WE want to do about it (if anything) and thus take back the control.
*huggles*
Goodluck
This is precisely why I saw a nutritionist before I ever saw a therapist. I didn't want to talk about "deep feelings" and childhood. I just wanted someone to help me eat normally and weigh normally!
Still, I think talking about childhood can have some value. I haven't completely discovered what it is - but I do know that, with therapy, you never know when you're going to have an "ah-ha" moment that will really impact you. So probably best to be open to talking. I guess with talking about childhood I've understood that my brain has worked in the same way my whole life (sometimes resulting in eating issues, sometimes resulting in other behaviors). It's helped me connect various behaviors? I don't know if that even matters but....
yeah, now I'm rambling...
Genetics and environment impact us greatly in who we become. I think talking about childhood can be worthwhile as long as it isn't a dwelling process. It can provide understanding and reasoning.
BUT I think once these issues have been sussed through, then it is time to move on.
I should add: digging through my family crap first had a really negative impact on my relationship with them. I got really angry about things. But I continued to work through them and accept that the past can't be changed, and that my parents did the best that they knew how to do. Now our relationship is so much better. I don't always like their behaviors now but I've learned to accept them for who they are.
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