I was excited to move into my new apartment and have it be a fresh start. Clean slate. No ED behaviors in the new apartment. Nadda.
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Alas, tonight I have FAILED.
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And I feel terrible. ED gives me this illusion of control, but really, I'm totally out of control. 100% out of control. My life is a mess. Yet after this miserable night, I still can't say that I hate ED... screwed up, eh? ED and I are still too intertangled... I'm still caught in its web...
6 comments:
You've been in your new apartment for awhile. If this is the first time you've slipped up since the move, I'd say that's a pretty huge success, not a failure at all. And I know I don't really need to tell you that one lapse doesn't mean you're back where you were before. You can have a fresh start anytime and any place you choose :) Hope tomorrow is better for you!
It's okay. Those things happen. Don't beat yourself up too much.
Yeah, unfortunately I haven't developed a proper hatred of my ed yet, either. Right now I'm just lukwarm, pretending it's neatly packed away, for later use.
I've moved before in an effort to escape my ED. It never worked. Isn't there a saying that goes "wherever you go, there you are" or something like that? I think it is unrealistic to expect perfection from yourself just because you are in a new place geographicly. But I understand the hope.
Luv you Kara...hang in there (hug)
So your ED is taking control right now? Fight back! Kick Ed's ass! Remind yourself that you want to get back and that you can get better. You haven't failed. Not at all. You're just going through a difficult time right now, but you can overcome it.
Hang in there.
love, kristin
Your life is NOT a mess.. I think it's important to realize that there is only one thing that makes everything complicated for you. The ED. Otherwise you're doing great things with yourself! I'm AMAZED how you're pushing forward, finding jobs, working on the GRE thing, moved out of your apartment, doing your best to control your urges and your mind. You've really accomplished a lot in the past while! So don't get down just because of one slip. We ALL slip once and awhile.
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