I DIDN'T GET THE JOB. To make matters worse, what I did get yesterday was a Christmas card from a family friend. This was bad because their daughter is the same age as me and in the card it said that she had traveled to Asia and was now working on Wall Street. Here I am - can't even get a measly waitressing job - and my childhood friend is a successful, globetrotting, businesswoman. The comparison sucks. I know I shouldn't compare, but it's hard not to.
Other bad news - my younger brothers just came home from college and they are T-H-I-N!!!! Skinny skinny, skinny. They have both lost weight since last being home. It is so triggering. I feel really competitive with my brothers over size. I don't want them to be thinner than me and I think they are now and it's A-W-F-U-L. Ugh. It makes me never want to eat again, although I just shoved a cookie in my mouth (what gives?!). It doesn't make a lot of sense because they are guys and you can't really compare guys' bodies with girls' bodies, but I do. When I saw them, I just wanted to shout profanities and run to my room and cry. However, I was a good little girl (haha, I wish I was a little girl) and ran and gave them welcoming hugs and big smiles. All I have to say is that it's a good thing I don't have any sisters, because if I go through this much hell with my brothers, comparing myself to sisters would be even more nightmarish.
4 comments:
OMG Kara, I JUST wrote about this last week. My sister was living in Europe for 6 months and she came back SOOO SKINNY. It's driving me insane. I can't deal, so I know exactly how you feel!! Totally!!! It sucks so much, doesn't it?!
As for the job, something better will come along.
Dear Kara,
There are lots of things to be depressed about and lots to compare ourselves with. But that doesn't mean that we should because there is NO FREAKIN EQUAL COMPARISON TO OURSELVES. No one is in the same situation, the same place in life, the same emotional state as another. Not ever completely. So hang in there because your globe-trotting friend is in a totally different place in life and that's okay. If you ask me, you are doing what you should because you are dealing with an issue that you should be addressing right now. What would scare me is if you DIDN'T deal with it and suffered the consequences. So GOOD FOR YOU GIRL for facing the bully head on. The job thing will pan out, don't give up. But deal with this now. Keep chuggin away, I know I am trying with my own things and you need to, also.
Kara is my hero
Just wanted to comment on the comparing thing. It's hard to hear such and such is doing this or that. I have a friend in college who is happily married, has two young children, and a Ph.d. is psychology, all by the age of 28. She's brilliantly smart too.
I guess the best thing to remember is that everyone's path is different, but that you'll eventually find your own.
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