I Can't Wait

It's 3:15am and I can't sleep.  I wen to bed early around 9:30pm, but whenever I go to bed that early I tend to wake up for long extended periods of time in the middle of the night.  Oh well.  I went to bed so early because I just didn't want to deal with anything anymore -- and I was freaking tired.  

I did want to update you all from my last post.  Last post was definitely a Debbie Downer, but I'm feeling slightly better.  Telstaar mentioned in a comment that it made sense that my eating disorder was acting up so much because of all the things I have going on in my life right now with the GRE and moving, etc.  I'm so glad that Telstaar made that comment because that never occurred to me, but I feel like she hit the nail on the head.  Thanks, Telstaar.  And thank you everyone else for your supportive comments.  You all are so good to me.  :) 

I've just been feeling so out of control with food lately.  I want to be losing weight, but I just keep G-A-I-N-I-N-G.  Gaining, gaining, gaining, gaining.  Blargh.  Dr. K says I'm gaining weight because I want to lose weight so badly and it keeps backfiring.  You know, the whole restricting/bingeing cycle.  I'm a pro.  Ha.  I really really really want to stop bingeing, it just that it sounds like such a good idea at the time that it's hard to resist.  And I think I've let my guard down because I've feeling so hopeless and like I want to throw in the towel.  I need to start fighting ED.  I can't wait on this.  

Before I sign off, I have some random, exciting news: I bought a mattress for my new apartment.  It's a pillowtop and it is great.  My neighbors are donating a bed frame so all I needed was a mattress and box spring.  The apartment is getting professionally cleaned on Monday, which I am soooo excited about.  Since that's on Monday and I have the GRE on Tuesday (eeeeek!), it looks like I'm going to start moving in on Wednesday of next week.  Three words: I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!