Dr. K has explained this to me in a way that I never heard before:
Everyone knows that a lot of underlying issues play into an eating disorder. These underlying issues (worthlessness, abuse, dysfunctional families/childhood, etc.) are very real and need to be addressed as part of treatment (in my opinion). Dr. K explained that with eating disorders, feeling fat and body image concerns become just as real as the underlying issues and emotions. Although everything is interconnected, it's almost like body image is a separate problem that has a life of it's own.
Now, many women in America have body image concerns but the major difference is that it doesn't take over their lives like it does with people with EDs. Dr. K explained to me that the reason why bad body image takes over our lives is because it's magnified by all our underlying issues. Body image is always a problem for me - 24/7. But it gets worse when I'm depressed, angry, feeling worthless, scared, overwhelmed, etc. That's partly explains to me why sometimes ED rears it's ugly head and sometimes it's just in the background.
So underlying issues and emotions are a real part of ED, but body image becomes real as well. They are two separate (but intertangled) monsters. Having a therapist that believes that me feeling fat is a really issue and not a figment of my imagination makes me feel sooooo much more validated.
Can you relate? Does this make any sense at all?
9 comments:
Yes! I can totally relate! I have been in treatment before where they dont adress body image at all and won't even discuss it because it is a "nonissue"(*ahemUIHSsucksahem*)! I think this is a big mistake, because then you leave treatment unable to deal with your feelings about your body. I'm glad you have a T who understands this.
I have heard the first paragraph so many times in therapy. It does feel like my perception of myself is invalidated and tossed aside. The usual reply is "fat is not a feeling" and then it gets dropped. I hate that.
I also dislike the "well, just live with it" attitude that a lot of therapists have had towards my poor body image. I've never been able to find a therapist that works with me on it rather than just brushing it aside.
Yep that makes complete sense to me and I completely agree, well for me anyway. Sometimes I think the ed is just the ed and doens't have underlying concerns, simply because its become so entrenched, but usually I agree with everything Dr K said.
I'm just really glad that you feel VALIDATED and heard and understood and that she was about to communicate with you in a useful manner. That is super cool :)
I don't buy the whole "fat isn't a feeling" thing because to us, it IS. It very much is. I don't give a crap if there are underlying issues that make you feel that way, because you still feel it, you know?
Yes, being validated is good.
I can totally relate. Fat is a feeling. It totally is.
YES YES YES!!! Whom is this Dr. K anyway??? I think I need to start seeing her ;-) I like the way she explained that because it doesn't take either extreme. I am so very tired of hearing the fat is not a feeling. Sometimes I feel like that is ALL I am feeling and there is no other underlying problem. Then when I am told that fat is not a feeling I start to feel vain and self-centered for being so focused on being afraid of getting fat. Good post!
What a brilliant post. Well said.
Yes, I can totally relate. It is invalidating to have anyone tell you that fat is not a feeling. I think it is very much a feeling. I always respong "I can feel it right here" (and grab a part of my body. I hate when people try to tell you that it's not a feeling. It very much is.
I've had my share of therapists say this to me, and it certainly did make me feel very invalidated. So I'm really glad Dr. K. validated this for you.
I remember first reading how "fat" was a true, real feeling for people like us in a Carolyn Costin book. I felt so much better about it.
I think the important thing is for professionals to be able to acknowledge this feeling, then help the client move on to what else is bothering us too. Dwelling doesn't get anywhere, but recognizing is so helpful. Hopefully, that made sense.
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